Archive for Satire

The Young Conservative’s Hip Hop Guide to Muslims (Satire)

Posted in Anti-Loons with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2011 by loonwatch

Young Con is doing his thang. Check out the video and the facts below.

The Young Conservative’s Hip Hop Guide to Muslims (Satire)

The Young Conservative’s Hip Hop Guide to Muslims is social commentary through satire on the gross, yet common misconceptions perpetuated about Muslim people. Cutaways to competing facts are provided to help fight ignorance and intolerance.

Sources:

Statistic in Open – 3 of 4 people Republicans believe “Islam teaches hate”

Step 1 – Ethnicity/Demographics of Muslims

  • 60% Asian
  • 20% Arab
  • 17% Subsaharan-African

Step 2 – FBI Terrorism Report – Chronological Summary of Terrorist Incidents in the United States 1980-2005

Step 3 – “Islam is Violence”

  • George W. Bush: “Islam is Peace
  • Chapter 5, verse 32 – “We ordained for the Children of Israel that if any one slew a person — unless it be for murder or for spreading mischief in the land — it would be as if he slew the whole people; and if any one saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of the whole people.”

Step 6 – “They hate women” – 4 of 5 most populous Muslim-majority nations have elected female heads-of-state

  • Indonesia – Megawati Sukarnoputri
  • Pakistan – Benazir Bhutto
  • Bangladesh – Khaleda Zia & Sheikh Hasina
  • Turkey – Tansu Ciller

Step 7 – FDR Inaugural Speech – March 4, 1933

  • “The only thing we have to fear is Muslims“
  • “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”

Step 8 – Jesus in the Quran, “The Messiah”

Bin Laden Death Reminds Local Man To Disfavor Muslims

Posted in Feature with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2011 by loonwatch

Darius Emadi

Guest contributor to Loonwatch

Local man James Delaney told reporters Monday that the death of Osama Bin Laden re-sparked his hostility towards American-Muslims.

“Years after the shock of September 11th, I became a little lost,” Delaney remembered. “I thought before I spoke, I watched documentaries on the history and culture of Islam, I made the distinction between Islam’s approximate 975,000,000 members and the handful of terrorists in the world – I just wasn’t feeling like myself.”

The change came as a result of the Osama bin Laden killing. According to Brock Alden, a friend of Delaney, who was with him the night the news was announced, Delaney logged onto Twitter and read several Islamophobic tweets posted by notable comedians, admired colleagues, and strangers around the country.

Delaney recalls the night.

“I read one tweet from a comedian that said, ‘To celebrate, New York City should grant each citizen to punch a cab driver in the face!’ I thought, boy, that sounds a lot like my earlier years when I found relief by placing my fears and insecurities on vulnerable members of a minority. That sounds like fun!’”

After reading several Islamophobic tweets, Delaney felt inspired to write one himself:

Posted by Delaney was the following: Death to America? Death to all Muslims and Islam – we won!!! #TeamUSA

“Honestly,” said Alden. “I hadn’t seen James feel that much pride since after September 11th when he faxed an Imam a drawing of Porky Pig. He recently went through a divorce, so I was just glad to see him excited again.”

Within minutes of sending his last tweet of the night, ideas fired through Delaney’s head.

“I was killing it,” Delaney recalls.

According to assistant Imam Muhammad Abid of the East Center Mosque, Delaney had sent the mosque’s Imam an email saying, ‘Take that, camel jockeys! Your leader’s dead!’, along with an attached mp3 of Delaney signing the American national anthem.

Said Delaney, “It’s a blessing to feel alive again.”

When asked if Delaney had listened to President Obama’s speech reminding Americans to distinguish the difference between bin Laden and American-Muslims, Delaney shook his head, and responded, “Yes. It’s good to make that distinction. But if Bin Laden’s death taught me anything it’s that you can go at any minute. Do I really want to waste more time making distinctions?”

Delaney shared his plans for the future. “Well, to be honest, I have kind of calmed down as of late – I’ve been busy grading my students’ chemistry homework.  But, hopefully, with the AP exams done and over in June, I’ll get some free time. I have an amazing idea for a graphic T – it’s great to have a hobby again.”

Imam Hasan Akbar, the recipient of Delaney’s hate mail, was unavailable for comment. According to the assistant Imam Muhammad Abid, Akbar had left to buy 10 American flags.

The piece is satire. Darius Emadi is a writer comedian based in SeattleWA.

Catholic Nun Forcibly Removed From Plane for Wearing “Muslim Garb”

Posted in Anti-Loons with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 13, 2011 by loonwatch

Some What if she were Muslim comedy from Dr. Jalees?

Catholic Nun Forcibly Removed From Plane for Wearing “Muslim Garb”

By: Jalees Rehman, M.D.

April 5, 2011 DAYTON, OH – Sister Cora-Ann, a Catholic nun from the Our Lady of Grace Monastery in Dayton, Ohio got the surprise of her life yesterday, when she was asked to leave the plane she had just boarded at the Omaha International Airport. “I had just sat down in my seat, and started to thank God for our blessings and recite a prayer in Latin”, she recalled, when one of the passengers sitting next to me called the flight attendant. The passenger was Elizabeth Bennet, who later stated: “It is not that we were prejudiced, but she did seem very suspicious. She was dressed in Muslim garb and just before we were about to take off, she started mumbling something in an Arabian or Talibani-sounding language. What was I supposed to do?” Damien Thorn was a passenger seated in the adjacent row and said: “I knew there was something sinister about her, the moment she stepped into the plane. She was wearing those burqa clothes that you see the Iranian women wearing, and she only had a very small carry-on bag.” The flight attendant responded to the call and asked Sister Cora-Ann for her name, boarding pass and a photo ID.

Blanche Dubois was another passenger sitting close to Sister Cora-Ann and explained: “Once I heard that her name sounded like Koran, I got worried. That does not mean that there is anything wrong with me, does it? I just did not want to die. I was so scared, that I just yelled out her name to all passengers.” Mr. Okonkwo was a passenger seated a few rows behind and stated: “Once we all heard that the passenger’s name was Koran, things started falling apart.” Frodo Baggins, a frequent traveler, said he had heard that Muslims do not eat beef. “I did not think that she was Muslim, and to help her out, I took out some of my beef jerky and asked the lady to eat it to prove that she was not a Muslim.”

However, Sister Cora-Ann politely refused the beef jerky and reminded the other passengers that it was the time of Lent, during which Catholics often abstain from eating meat. The unrest in the plane kept growing, because most passengers were now convinced that Sister Cora-Ann was indeed Muslim and they demanded that Sister Cora-Ann leave the plane. “I did not want to cause my fellow humans any distress, so I left the plane”, she said.

“We were so happy that we could continue our journey”, said Frodo Baggins. “Once she de-boarded, it felt like a huge burden was lifted from us.” Apparently, there was indeed a Muslim on the plane, by the name of Abdullah Abdullah the 23rd, sitting in the last row. “Of course I knew that she was a Catholic nun and not a Muslim, because I went to a Catholic school and my favorite teachers were Catholic nuns.” Abdullah Abdullah went on to say “But let us face it: If you are a Muslim on a plane and someone else is being asked to leave the plane, the best thing is to be quiet and enjoy the show!”

Swiss Politician Calls for Ban on Muslim and Jewish Cemeteries; LW Proposes Ban on Shawarmas

Posted in Loon Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 5, 2009 by loonwatch
Swiss to Ban shawarmas, food source of terroristsOnly dhimmis eat shawarmas!

Fellow comrades, this week we sent a powerful message to the stealth jihadists by banning minarets in Switzerland.  This was truly a watershed issue, one which I believe saved the country from the imminent stealth jihadist takeover and their terrorist plot to store nuclear warheads in their minarets.

But we must not stop here.  Rather, it is time to ride this wave of awareness to pass further legislation to curb radical Islam–and by this, I mean Islam in general.

It has come to my attention that Muslims use cemeteries to bury suicide bombers–often plotting future attacks from such locations and other ground based areas.  Furthermore, several Muslim cemeteries were funded by groups connected to someone whose brother knew someone whose neighbor was an unindicted co-conspirator in the WTC bombing, who also attended the same mosque that the mother of a member of CAIR attended–and as we all know, CAIR is a part of the Muslim Brotherhood and Al-Qaeda, a Wahhabist-Hezbollah and Al-Baik run organization, headed by Tariq Ramadan, Usama bin Ladin, and Haifa Wehbe.

The Jewish news source JTA.org reports:

Swiss leader calls for Jewish cemetery ban

December 3, 2009

BERLIN (JTA) — A mainstream Swiss political leader is calling for a ban on separate Muslim and Jewish cemeteries.

Christophe Darbellay, president of the Christian Democratic People’s Party of Switzerland, made the statement in a television interview Tuesday, two days after Swiss voters passed an initiative to ban minarets.

The anti-minaret initiative came from the opposition ultra-conservative Swiss People’s Party and other right-wing political organizations. Critics say Darbellay is starting a “crusade” to attract voters by proposing similarly xenophobic measures.

Mainstream politicians and religious leaders across Europe have reacted with dismay to the anti-minaret vote.

According to the Swiss online daily Tagesanzeiger, Darbellay also wants to ban the wearing of burkas, head-to-toe veils worn by some fundamentalist Muslim women.

Darbellay reportedly said that existing cemeteries would not be affected by a ban, but that there should be no separate cemeteries in the future.

The Swiss People’s Party called for crackdowns on expressions of Muslim fundamentalism in 2006. Observers said the demand for separate cemeteries is an escalation.

Yesterday, the minarets.  Today, the cemeteries.  Tomorrow, shawarmas.  My research indicates thatshawarmas are the number one food source of terrorists, and cutting off this supply will cause them to suffer from severe hypoglycemia, which shall considerably weaken their capacity to commit terrorism.

Jewish bagels are very close to the burqa wrapped jihad-shawarmas, so those ought to be banned too.  We must not slacken in our resolve.

Cordially,
Obert S. Pencer.

Disclaimer: The letter by “Obert S. Pencer” is fictional but the news story about cemeteries is real.